A practitioner has noticed that a child is finding parts of the nursery day difficult. They can describe what’s happening, but they’re less sure how to discuss it with the family. Perhaps a previous conversation didn’t lead anywhere, or the parent’s experience is very different.
For nursery managers and team leads, supporting these conversations involves more than helping someone find the right opening words. Staff may need to work through differing observations, respond to a parent’s concerns or agree support when there isn’t yet a shared understanding of the difficulty.
These prompts can help your team prepare and keep the conversation moving. Adapt the examples to reflect what you know about the child and family.
Start with observations, even when you’re unsure of the cause
Practitioners sometimes hold back because they feel they should have an explanation before speaking to a parent. Yet sharing a concern can be part of understanding it.
Before the meeting, help your colleague distinguish what they’ve observed from what they think it means. Five questions can bring useful detail to the discussion:
- Frequency: How often does it happen?
- Intensity: How strong is the response, and what impact does it have on the child?
- Duration: How long does it last? Has this changed over time?
- Location: Where does it happen? Does it vary between activities, spaces or groups?
- Participation: How does it affect the child’s ability to play, learn or interact with others?
Use these to focus observations, rather than as another form to complete. A description such as “They struggle with group time” becomes more useful when you can explain:
“On three occasions this week, [name] has cried and stayed close to their key person when we’ve moved into the larger room for group time. They’ve been more comfortable joining songs with a few children in their usual room.”
There’s enough here to begin a conversation without deciding what’s causing the difficulty.
Be clear about what you want to discuss
Arrange a private conversation with enough time for the parent or carer to respond. Explain the reason for meeting:
“Could we arrange a time to talk about how [name] is getting on at group time? We’ve noticed they’ve been finding it difficult, and we’d like to hear your thoughts about what might help.”
In the meeting, openings such as “We’ve noticed…” and “We’re wondering…” leave room for discussion. Follow them with specific observations so the concern doesn’t get lost in cautious wording.
The same applies when discussing hitting or hurting. Describe the action and the circumstances:
“When another child reached for the truck, [name] hit their arm. We stepped in to keep both children safe and supported them.”
Calling a child “aggressive” can lead to a conversation about their character. Describing what happened allows you to explore the situation and what support they need.
When a parent says, “We don’t see that at home”
A different account is worth exploring. Children can respond differently depending on the surroundings, routines, people and demands involved.
A child may find a busy nursery room overwhelming but feel comfortable at home. Another may manage the structure of nursery, then become upset at home after a tiring day. Neither account cancels out the other.
You could ask:
“That’s helpful to know. Could you talk me through what happens at home?”
“Are there situations where they find this easier? What seems to help?”
Then explain what you’re trying to understand:
“We’re seeing a difference between those situations. Let’s think about what might be helping at home and what we could try here.”
These differences may suggest changes to the nursery environment, such as reducing noise or making a transition more predictable. They’re useful to explore when creating enabling environments.
This works both ways. If a parent raises a difficulty that staff haven’t seen, take it seriously:
“We haven’t noticed that here, but it’s helpful to know it’s happening. When do you tend to see it, and what happens beforehand?”
The aim is to bring the observations together, rather than establish whose account is right.
When the parent doesn’t share your concern
Sometimes, even after discussing the observations, a parent may not feel there is a difficulty. They may need time to consider what you’ve said, have a different understanding of their child’s development or feel worried about what might follow.
Keep listening, while remaining clear about the child’s experience at nursery. You can acknowledge the difference without withdrawing the concern:
“I understand that this isn’t something you’re concerned about at home. At nursery, we’ve noticed [specific observation], and it’s making [activity or part of the day] difficult for them.”
Then explain the everyday support you’re proposing:
“We’d like to try [adaptation] to help them feel more comfortable. What are your thoughts?”
You may leave with different views about the cause. Keep the discussion focused on what the child is finding difficult and what could help.
Explain how the setting will respond to the needs it has observed, continue appropriate support and arrange another conversation. Follow your setting’s procedures for involving the SENCO or other professionals, including any consent requirements.
Use strengths to work out what to try
Strengths deserve the same detail as concerns. They also give you information you can use.
For example:
“They join in with the actions and sing familiar words when they’re with their key person and two or three friends.”
That observation suggests conditions in which the child feels able to participate. You might build on it by trying a smaller group for another activity.
Ask the family:
“What do they really enjoy at home? When do you see them at their most comfortable or confident?”
Including strengths should help shape the support you offer. It also ensures the conversation reflects the whole child, particularly for families who regularly hear about things their child finds difficult.
Agree a next step and a time to return to it
Make the proposed action specific enough to review:
“We’d like to try story time with a smaller group in their usual room. We’ll notice whether they seem more comfortable and how they take part. Could we catch up next week to talk about how it’s going?”
Agree who will take the action forward and how you’ll keep in touch. Record decisions through your usual processes.
At the follow-up, discuss what changed, what didn’t and anything the family has noticed. This gives you a basis for deciding whether to continue, adapt the support or seek further advice.
If a parent leaves the first meeting with questions, make sure they know who they can speak to before the next catch-up. An ongoing relationship gives both sides opportunities to return to something they weren’t ready or able to discuss initially.
Help your team work through the difficult parts
In supervision, ask which part of the conversation the practitioner needs support with. They may be confident describing observations but unsure how to respond if a parent disagrees.
Useful questions include:
- “What do you want the parent to understand, and what do you want to learn from them?”
- “If their experience is different, what could you ask?”
- “What support can we offer now?”
- “Would it help to have someone alongside you?”
Afterwards, ask: “Did the family mention anything that changes what we should try?”
Concerns shouldn’t sit with one practitioner alone. Use the knowledge of the key person, SENCO and wider team to help decide what happens next.
For more on recognising emerging needs and talking with families, watch our free webinar, Recognising Need Early, with Viv Trask-Hall and child and educational psychologist Kirstie Rees.
Build confidence across your early years team
Conversations with families are one part of supporting children’s personal, social and emotional development. Explore how becoming a Thrive early years setting could help your team recognise children’s needs and agree how to support them across the nursery day.
(1)_680.png)